A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior. The heart of the definition and recovery does not lie in the other person, it lies in the codependent and the way they have let other people’s behavior affect them and in the ways they try to affect the other person. Below is a short list of some characteristics of a codependent.
- Think and feel responsible for other people’s feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, wants, needs, and well-being.
- have anxiety, pity and guilt when other people have a problem.
- feel angry when their help isn’t effective
- wonder why others don’t do the same for them.
- find themselves attracted to needy people, and vice-versa
- over-commit themselves
- come from troubled, repressed, or dysfunctional families and deny it.
- fear rejection
- feel as if they aren’t good enough, and are different from other people
- worry about the silliest things
- lose sleep over problems or other people’s behaviors
- lie to protect or cover for people they love
- lack of trust of themselves and others, their feelings and decisions
It is estimated that 80 million people are chemically dependent or in a relationship with someone who is. If concern has turned into obsession; if compassion has turned into care taking; if you are taking care of other people and not yourself, you may be in trouble with codependency.The first step toward change is awareness, and the second is acceptance.
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